Ah it’s F*cking Karen!

So it’s almost May 1st. That means the sun is out, the temperature is getting warmer, and its time for all college students bank accounts to go to shit. It’s the time that rent is due, and to say mine took a big dump way before this time is an understatement.

I’m a full time student without a job in this crappy small college town. I work as much as possible back home at my fancy job at a law office downtown in a bigger city. I’ll be honest, I make bank working there so I might be picky about where I work next. In my defense my only options are working at Walmart or all hours of the night at a bar downtown with hoodlums, no thank you I would rather pass. So I work Monday through Friday 8 to 5 for summer breaks, Christmas breaks, and spring breaks. I save as much as I can to contribute to my bills. When that money runs out, my lovely mother helps out. She’s a nurse and has to work two jobs because they get shitty ass pay even though they work their asses off. She is one of the hardest working people I know. We have a small house where something always needs fixing, which means more money we don’t have spent on repair. Student loans, house payments, bills upon bills just keep piling up. As a single parent she does one hell of a job making sure it gets paid, even if there isn’t any money left over after.

So let’s think about this for a second. If someone is working full time Monday-Saturday during prime bank hours, how are they supposed to deposit money at the exact time when an uptight college student (who thinks her schedule is the only important one) wants it to be deposited?

Karen: the friend that nobody likes.
Please tell me some of you know about Dane cook…. Yes? Good! Moving on.

So I’m over exaggerating when I say nobody likes her. I only like her half the time. The half when she is in a normal mood and not her “I hate everyone” mood. It also doesn’t help that I have what I like to call bitch syndrome. It means that everything I do or say around her is either wrong, mean, offensive, or she just plain out doesn’t like. However, if someone else does or says the exact same thing I did (or even have done in the past) then it’s as if that person magically became the funniest person in the ENTIRE world to her. Bitch syndrome: problem for girls everywhere since… well ever, with currently no cure or signs of there ever being one. She gets embarrassed easily and well I could give a flying rat’s ass what anyone thought of me. We are pretty opposite, yet we still choose to hang out, live together, and call each other friends. I won’t lie. We have do have fun together. That’s why I choose to stick around.

What does this have to do with rent? Calm the fuck down. I’m getting there!

So today is the 29th and she’s already about to have a bitch fit that me and one other roommate don’t have our rent. Me and this other roommate, Nora, both have financial issues and understand the burdens of trying to scramble the money together in time before the tyrant demands our heads as punishment for not having the money in time. When people walk past our house they probably think we’re watching some bad movie where the characters run into some trouble with a dirty loan shark.

“Where’s my money!?!”
*punches thrown, get kicked in the face and ribs a couple times, some glass breaks

“I don’t have it, I just need a few more days! I promise I’ll get it to you by Saturday.”

“You’ve had enough time… Ricky, kill him.”
*shots fired, blood everywhere

Okay maybe it’s not that dramatic, but Karen sure can make it out to be. Anyways the reason why it’s a big deal (to her) is because she doesn’t want to have to go to the bank multiple times which is a “big inconvenience” for her. The bank is 5-6 blocks away at most, and she drives there! Also, why not wait until you have everyone’s money to go to the bank? Or do you just like making things harder for yourself so you can be more uptight and try to make everyone else around you miserable? By now me and Nora both just laugh it off and ignore her. We always get a good laugh at things that Karen does. Nora is my favorite.

So why did you tell us about your mom? Please keep all questions until the end.

I texted my mom to tell her Veruca Salt WANTED THE MONEY NOW MOMMY! So after a long day of work she went to her bank to take out money, then drove to my bank to put the money in my account, and then finally was able to head home. These distances are miles long, therefore I propose this is more of an inconvenience than a few blocks (But Karen would probably just say I’m wrong). Especially after a day of work when all you want to do is get home. Or the fact that rent isn’t actually due until the 1st. Regardless this story has a happy ending. Karen gets her rent money on HER time. She doesn’t turn into an evil queen and send me to hang by a noose. I get to live another day. The end.

Some people just need to take a chill pill. Karen might need to triple, maybe even quadruple the dosage on chill pills. But until she does I’ll just continue to laugh at her negative ways and not let it ruin my beautiful, sunny, April 29th day.

-TCBL

Are you talking to me?

The way people in my generation are speaking is really starting to horrify me. Now I’m not OCD about correct grammar, and I definitely won’t correct anyone. Those people who have the need to correct every grammar mistake actually irritate me. Texting is supposed to be an informal way to communicate with friends. Not this place where you have to worry about whether or not you put the comma in the right place. I understand that by now we should all know the difference between your and you’re, their and there, and to and two. On the other hand is it really the end of the world if someone uses the wrong one? While having an actual conversation you don’t interrupt the person and ask, “Now when you say that are you using the correct form?” So why ignore your friend’s text completely and simply reply with the correction: you’re*. Quite frankly I think it’s just RUDE.

zacefron-handtattoo-121611

It’s not really the grammar that gets me. It’s the use of certain words that confuse me. Does YOLO bother anyone else besides me? It’s like the dumb down version of Carpe Diem. Zac Efron has gotten YOLO tattooed on his hand… That is the only one I will ever over look just because…well…. c’mon it’s Zac Efron. I’m a girl. Sue me. It recently has been looking a little lighter in color so maybe even he came to his senses and is trying to get it removed. Anyways, the way in which people use the acronym is also a little EXTREMELY unreasonable. For example when girls in short, tight, skimpy dresses go out and one of them forgot to put underwear on, but goes on top of the bar to dance despite her current commando situation…. YOLO!! I mean is “you only live once” really an excuse to flash your cooka to an entire bar? Yeah one day you won’t be here, but come on at least have some dignity. I’m sure guys are just as bad as girls when it comes to using the phrase, but I have more than enough time to bash that gender later.

LATER??? Ok, you’re right, how about now. Commence the bashing of the opposite sex! So recently I had a boy (let’s call him George) that I went to high school with in the past message me on Facebook. I don’t have any recollections of us talking much in school or ever hanging out either. On the other hand I did talk to one of his friends (Phillip) a lot, who coincidentally had a crush on me. Now awhile back George contacted me to talk to me about Phillip. You know talk him up, find out if I had feelings, if I was seeing anyone, etc. (What were we in, middle school again? Lame!) I didn’t feel the same way about Phil, but never really officially rejected him either. After awhile the conversations ended with both of the guys and I was relieved I wasn’t bothered anymore. That was until the other day I received a message from George. It went like this….

George: Hey
Me: Hi
G: how hve u been whts new
M: I’ve been okay. Nothing new here. How about you?
G: Sam jus wrk sht hmu we shud chill (left phone number)
M: I don’t live in (Hometown) anymore
G: where do u sty
M: (College town) for now and hopefully moving somewhere out of state when I’m done with school.
G: Well we still can meet up chill sometime I can come the (college town) from time to time if u wanted
M: I don’t have a lot of free time but I can let you know if I’m in (Hometown) ever
G: Koo

*Every mistake in there was real. If you think it was a typo by me, don’t. It was hard enough trying to re-type the conversation that took place without correcting it.

A few quick things before my rant on the writing style, if you will. Why is he trying to drive a total of three hours when we have never hung out ever before? I mean I know why. Its just weird, creepy, and gross. Next, what happened to the respect of your friend? News flash: Loyalty is more attractive.

Now that is not the only thing unattractive. If you aren’t going to take the time to use vowels in your words, say the actual word cool or you, well then you don’t deserve my time. I mean seriously, why are you talking like you forgot how to spell. I think a first grader knows better than that. You are not “hood” or “gangster” if I have to try and translate everything you say into a normal way that I can understand. I just think you’re stupid and I like men who are intelligent.

For the people OCD with grammar, just be thankful this isn’t the most popular problem you have to deal with. There are always worse things so just deal with a few misused yours and theirs. It’s not the end of the world as we know it. I promise. What I can also promise you is that if you correct people on a daily basis, well then you are hated by many.

Sometimes you just have to laugh at people, even if it’s not very nice.
-Thecbl

Maybe that’s what they were going for?

So today I have observed many people. Mostly about the things they were wearing.  It’s finally starting to warm up outside so there are many different fashion choices out there.  Questionable, ludicrous, outrageous, silly choices, but I digress.  I live on a very busy street near my college campus. Everyone is always walking in front of our house, and we have many places for people watching.  While monitoring the passer-bys I found myself thinking “why would someone wear that?” I had this question numerous of times!

There were two couples rollerblading down the sidewalk.  The two guys were up in front wearing basketball shorts and cutoff t-shirts.  They looked ready for a day of rollerblading in the sun.  Then I noticed the two girls: short jean shorts, hair perfectly straightened, sequined shirts, and I’m assuming a fresh layer of make-up.  Now when I go rollerblading I wear my hair in some sort of messy up do, an outfit similar to what the guys were wearing, and eventually a nice layer of sweat. Then it hit me! Maybe the girls just wanted to look like they were going to a sports photo shoot that never really existed.  Or maybe they wanted to blind all the drivers with their reflecting shirts and possibly get hit. If they fell, they could have wanted the least amount of protection covering their legs possible so they could get some pretty wicked scars. No matter the reason who am I to ask “why?” No matter how ridiculous they looked dressed up while doing a sport, That’s just what they were going for.

After an hour I saw 5 boys finally emerge from their party house across the street at the crack of 5 in the late afternoon. All were looking pretty good dressed up in suits.  Then of course there’s always that one person in the group who makes people question their decisions. I’m assuming these boys had somewhere special to be, because from dorm life experiences boys rarely step out of their 5 shirt and 4 pairs of pants/shorts combo.  So I’m wondering where that last guy thought, “Yeah! Let me add this awesome camo hat with this suit and I will look extra good.”  From the presence of head shakes he got while walking out the door, I’m assuming his friends disproved. Then you start to wonder…. Maybe he was going hunting after attending the fancy event. He could have not wanted people to see him and blend in at the event.  Perhaps he was just exercising the right to express himself, although I’m not quite sure what camo exudes when it comes to expression. His friends should suck up the head shakes, because whatever the reason, it’s just what he was going for.

Note to girls who wear thin light colored shirts and dark bras: Everyone can see through your shirt.  If you are just on your way to a wet t-shirt contest, well then I wish you luck. I hope you win because I’m sure that’s what you’re going for!

-TCBL

Let’s Get This Blog Rolling!

tequila for blogHello first time sharer, second time blogger here. Stop! Stop! Stop! Does that even make sense? In order to blog you kinda have to share some things, right? Well, the way I blogged the first time one could possibly disagree. My first blog was about a trip I took to Australia to keep my family and friends in the loop that I was still alive and well. Of course I added things about my adventures like jumping off a bridge with nothing but a cord to keep me from plummeting to my death. Or things like catching my first wave on a surf board in shark infested water. Including insane things like couch surfing, staying at strangers houses that you don’t know if they are normal or just waiting to hack you to pieces. Yeah… I’m sure no one was worried EVER. But, what about behind the scenes? The Aussies love to party, and I don’t remember adding anything in those posts about ALL the drinking I did. I mean c’mon my grandma was going to be reading it. I was already in my third year of college by the time I went, so I obviously had my fair share of partying done. I could slam a beer like a pro, take shots of tequila with no problem, and still make it to class at 7:45 the next morning no matter what day of the week it was. That is if I didn’t do shots and slam drinks in one night. I probably only made it to class if I did one or the other. Okay maybe I just made it the class that started at noon. Beside the point, I was fairly experienced and already knew what I could handle. Oh, but poor grandma asks “what’s the drinking age over there?” I answer back with the age of 18 (I was 20). Her reply, “oh I need to take you to a bar so you can get some practice!” I love the fact my grandma thought that a third year college student didn’t have enough experience already. I couldn’t ruin that by adding all the stupid, uncanny things I did. I couldn’t help but ask, should I have added those things?

I started to think about everyday life. I don’t share a lot of personal information with people, not even close friends. The only person I tell almost everything to is my best friend who also happens to be my mom. Is keeping things more private really a better way to go? I mean I DO have quite a few hilarious thoughts in my head that really deserve to be shared with everyone. I at least think I’m rather side-splitting. I had to ask myself, did I really want to keep going through life with all my secrets, lessons learned, and experiences kept to myself? If I regret not adding more to my first blog, then would I regret not sharing more of my thoughts through life? My answers: No and Yes respectively. That is why I am starting my second blog.

I’ve been back from Australia for a whole year just this past week, and I think it is time to let people see what goes on in this whimsical brain of mine. Believe me I have A LOT to share. I’m sure this is common for many of you where your mind just keeps going and going and going and… well you get the point. In my case it’s like that but add a dash of A.D.D, a handful of randomness, a hint of awkwardness, an abundance of sarcasm, and a broken radio that is stuck on seek. My Australian adventure may be over for now, but my sarcastic thoughts keep rolling through. So this blog is now a personal uncensored blog to my daily thoughts. It’s me unplugged and on the road to finding the comedy behind life!