Ah it’s F*cking Karen!

So it’s almost May 1st. That means the sun is out, the temperature is getting warmer, and its time for all college students bank accounts to go to shit. It’s the time that rent is due, and to say mine took a big dump way before this time is an understatement.

I’m a full time student without a job in this crappy small college town. I work as much as possible back home at my fancy job at a law office downtown in a bigger city. I’ll be honest, I make bank working there so I might be picky about where I work next. In my defense my only options are working at Walmart or all hours of the night at a bar downtown with hoodlums, no thank you I would rather pass. So I work Monday through Friday 8 to 5 for summer breaks, Christmas breaks, and spring breaks. I save as much as I can to contribute to my bills. When that money runs out, my lovely mother helps out. She’s a nurse and has to work two jobs because they get shitty ass pay even though they work their asses off. She is one of the hardest working people I know. We have a small house where something always needs fixing, which means more money we don’t have spent on repair. Student loans, house payments, bills upon bills just keep piling up. As a single parent she does one hell of a job making sure it gets paid, even if there isn’t any money left over after.

So let’s think about this for a second. If someone is working full time Monday-Saturday during prime bank hours, how are they supposed to deposit money at the exact time when an uptight college student (who thinks her schedule is the only important one) wants it to be deposited?

Karen: the friend that nobody likes.
Please tell me some of you know about Dane cook…. Yes? Good! Moving on.

So I’m over exaggerating when I say nobody likes her. I only like her half the time. The half when she is in a normal mood and not her “I hate everyone” mood. It also doesn’t help that I have what I like to call bitch syndrome. It means that everything I do or say around her is either wrong, mean, offensive, or she just plain out doesn’t like. However, if someone else does or says the exact same thing I did (or even have done in the past) then it’s as if that person magically became the funniest person in the ENTIRE world to her. Bitch syndrome: problem for girls everywhere since… well ever, with currently no cure or signs of there ever being one. She gets embarrassed easily and well I could give a flying rat’s ass what anyone thought of me. We are pretty opposite, yet we still choose to hang out, live together, and call each other friends. I won’t lie. We have do have fun together. That’s why I choose to stick around.

What does this have to do with rent? Calm the fuck down. I’m getting there!

So today is the 29th and she’s already about to have a bitch fit that me and one other roommate don’t have our rent. Me and this other roommate, Nora, both have financial issues and understand the burdens of trying to scramble the money together in time before the tyrant demands our heads as punishment for not having the money in time. When people walk past our house they probably think we’re watching some bad movie where the characters run into some trouble with a dirty loan shark.

“Where’s my money!?!”
*punches thrown, get kicked in the face and ribs a couple times, some glass breaks

“I don’t have it, I just need a few more days! I promise I’ll get it to you by Saturday.”

“You’ve had enough time… Ricky, kill him.”
*shots fired, blood everywhere

Okay maybe it’s not that dramatic, but Karen sure can make it out to be. Anyways the reason why it’s a big deal (to her) is because she doesn’t want to have to go to the bank multiple times which is a “big inconvenience” for her. The bank is 5-6 blocks away at most, and she drives there! Also, why not wait until you have everyone’s money to go to the bank? Or do you just like making things harder for yourself so you can be more uptight and try to make everyone else around you miserable? By now me and Nora both just laugh it off and ignore her. We always get a good laugh at things that Karen does. Nora is my favorite.

So why did you tell us about your mom? Please keep all questions until the end.

I texted my mom to tell her Veruca Salt WANTED THE MONEY NOW MOMMY! So after a long day of work she went to her bank to take out money, then drove to my bank to put the money in my account, and then finally was able to head home. These distances are miles long, therefore I propose this is more of an inconvenience than a few blocks (But Karen would probably just say I’m wrong). Especially after a day of work when all you want to do is get home. Or the fact that rent isn’t actually due until the 1st. Regardless this story has a happy ending. Karen gets her rent money on HER time. She doesn’t turn into an evil queen and send me to hang by a noose. I get to live another day. The end.

Some people just need to take a chill pill. Karen might need to triple, maybe even quadruple the dosage on chill pills. But until she does I’ll just continue to laugh at her negative ways and not let it ruin my beautiful, sunny, April 29th day.



2 thoughts on “Ah it’s F*cking Karen!

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