Can’t Win With Karen

A mutual friend from home came to visit us for the weekend where we go to school.  It was a long weekend of drinking, cooking out, and laughs.  The first night after we had gone out Karen had slept until about 2 in the afternoon. I don’t know if I had mentioned this about Karen before but she sleeps… A LOT. That’s why we call her the bear. She basically hibernates like one, so we might as well just call her one. Well it was a long time to wait on her to get moving to get the day started. With this in mind, *Jess and I didn’t want to wait until the day was already half over again. We left the house to get the grocery shopping for our cookout done. About twenty minutes into our shopping who texts us?  None other than Karen. “Where u at?” was sent to my phone at 12:34 pm. Now this was a shock to us since it was almost 2 hours before she comes out of hibernation. Also, “Where u at?” No Karen, just no. It’s “where are you?”(If you are confused about my problem with this text, then you can refer to my “Are you talking to me?” blog) Needless to say I wasn’t the one who answered her back… Jess did. She has more patience than I do.

So a little back story before I continue on. You can never win with Karen. If you wake her up (even if she asks you to) you better be ready for the biggest tantrum thrown ever. If you come across an angry, just woken up Karen you might just wish you had come across a real live Grizzly bear instead.  I mean seriously…. Fear for your life!! I sometimes think Karen could scare away a bear with her rage. But if you don’t wake her up then you still get a tantrum, but not anywhere near close to a “run for your life” outburst. Since we know we can handle the small fits, we choose not to wake her up. It’s never been proven to be the wrong choice yet!

 

So back to the store. Karen asked why we didn’t wake her and all that stuff. So we told her just to tell us what she wanted and we would get it. It turned out fine. The cookout was a success, and we had another fun night out. The next day Jess was leaving and she asked how much the groceries were split three ways? It was about $13 each. She paid and I figured Karen would eventually pay me as well.

Karen was downing a whole bottle of soda, still chowing down some hotdogs, and slurping back those freeze pops like there was no tomorrow. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and waited a little longer. I finally received a text about a bill I had to pay, and I just couldn’t wait anymore.  I asked her for money… face-to-face. I know. I know. How did I make it out alive to tell the story? Believe me, I’m just about as surprised as you are. Let’s just say, I now stop to smell the flowers, take in the beauty of every sunset… Okay this just happened yesterday. So I only got to watch one sunset, but that doesn’t mean I won’t watch the rest!

Here’s how the conversation went…

Me: Hey, Karen since the cookout split between all of us is $13 I figured I could take the amount off the money I owe for the bill.

Karen: What is it for?

M: All the food.

K: But what for?

M: For everything… (minus my beer)

K: But I didn’t eat all of it.

M: Yeah, neither did I nor Jess.

K: Well that’s why I wanted you guys to wake me up, because I didn’t get to pick what I wanted.

(HERE WE GO! Back to the hibernation dilemma!! Oh really? You never go to pick what you wanted? Because I believe Jess was on the phone with her majority of the time and Karen was telling her what to get as I said before.. in bold. And I’m pretty sure we bought her a tub of potato salad even though she was the only one who wanted it and ate it.)

M: Well Jess paid me her share so I’m going to take it off the bill and give you whatever else is left. (I was already mad about how she was talking to me and treating me at that point so I just left it at that.)

Cue the moment when Karen stops talking to me! (Like that has never happened before HA!)

Let me tell you the REAL reason why Karen wanted to come to the store with us. She wanted to buy her own stuff that wouldn’t cost much, and then ask if she could “borrow” whatever it was that Jess and I bought. I get it we are all broke college kids, but that doesn’t mean you get to be a sneaky little cheap ass to your own friends.

So no less than an hour later, Karen walks up to me all nice to ask a question. I answered and left the house IMMEDIATELY.

Bi-polar much? I understand it’s a serious condition and by no means making fun of it. But Karen makes it hard not to!! I mean her mood swings give me whip lash. I just can’t handle it no matter how hard I try! I don’t think she really even realizes that she’s all over the place.

She’s been camped out in the living room hogging the TV and air con since. I told her to let me know when she was done so I could watch the shows I recorded. She told me I could use it then, but to sit in the same room with her? Nope! Off to bed I went. I got some alone time today, but of course she came in and sat with me…. With her Subway she just bought for herself…. We just got ourselves Jimmy Johns the day before this all happened…. That’s another story for another day.

I can’t win with Karen and I can’t deal with her until she recognizes her problem.  So until then, I’m going to continue being short with her, and throw a party tomorrow when she moves out!!! *Fist pump* Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah YEAH!!!!!!

 

Quick thought- How did I get through this rant without swearing?!?!? That is a record.

 

TheComedyBehindLife

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