The Gremlin From Hell

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Okay this cute thing’s name is Gidget and really isn’t from hell. In all truthfulness she is a sweetheart. The only problem is, she smells like she’s been dead… for about a month. Rancid!

 

This isn’t something that you want anywhere near you. The smell that comes out of her ass is the same smell that comes from her mouth. Yes, it is as unpleasant as it sounds! When she finally lets out a gas bubble that probably took the whole day to work through her system, you would think someone set off a stink bomb. Same thing happens every time when she pants and breathes on you. When you first see her shake her little curly tail and get excited you just want to cuddle her. That second you hit that odor wall you abort that idea real quick.

If you can withstand the smell and venture past the stench she’s not the softest thing to touch. She has this coarse wire hair that feels like an old rope. It’s itchy on your skin, and I can only imagine how it feels on her. One fun thing I like to do with it is give her a Mohawk starting from her head all the way down her body. I find it amusing. She might not.

 

If the stink and scratchiness don’t get to you then the sheer sight of her snaggleteeth might. This dog needs dentures. It’s about 7 years too late for them though. They aren’t a pretty sight but they are what make Gidget, the little science experiment that she is.

 

Now this dog is 16 years old and has been on her death bed for about 3.  She just won’t die. That sounds bad, but I’m serious. She has so many health problems that she just needs to keel over.   Forget 9 lives, she has 20! I sometimes worry that every time she gets wet, another year gets tacked onto her life, instead of multiplying like an actual gremlin.  She’s lived a long… long long long life and will go out incredibly happy. She gets people food every day, which is how she racked up the extra pounds.  When she finally does make the exit, I don’t want to within a 10miles radius of her. The noxious odor could just leave her body and spread like wildfire knocking everyone down.

 

She maybe old, but she’s still hanging on. Until her day comes, I will just have to remember one thing: Just because it smells like it’s dead, doesn’t mean it is.

 

-TCBL

 

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