Are you sure you’re not a Psycho?

Okay so I am the only person in my family who enjoys Friday the 13ths and Halloween. I have no idea where I get it from.  I enjoy watching scary movies and going to haunted houses.  Yes I’m very aware of how weird I am.  Sometimes it is just fun to be scared. Well when it’s not warranted at least.

 

Anyway, today my new roommate and I went to the video store to rent some scary movies for tomorrow. I was already on a high from my coffee I had and was pretty freakin excited! So we are browsing through all the movies and not a whole lot is catching our eye. There’s a lot of scary movies that were released recently, but nothing that we really wanted to see. All of them were all exorcist and evil spirit films. Most people who know me know I don’t do well with ghosts. That’s something that doesn’t scare me in the fun way.  What I wanted was a gory, crazy, psycho, ax murderer on the loose kind of a scare.  We just were having no luck. And then… I spotted it. A movie that looked like it was what we needed. I read the back and there it was… Another exorcist movie. Ahhh the horror!!!!! Irritated, I slam the cover down and say “What is with all of these stupid ghost and exorcism movies?! Is it too much to ask for people to just kill each other!!!”

 

Let that just sink in for a moment….

 

Yeah, that definitely came out wrong. But I didn’t realize it until I saw some old man looking at me in horror. Then I finally thought about it, realized what I had just said, and then I could not stop laughing. I mean here I am looking for horror movies and yelling about people killing each other like some crazy person. Which I’m not. Obviously.

 

Needless to say that man got out of there as quick as he could and we got a pretty good laugh. I’m excited to order Chinese food while watching the three films we were able to finally pick out. Without any lives lost of course.

 

The lesson here is don’t go on a mass hunt for horror films while on a caffeine high. You might end up yelling things that could possibly peg you for a psycho killer.

 

Have a wonderful Friday the 13th everyone! I know I will!!

 

-TCBL

Meteor Shower

For awhile now I’ve had “Witness a meteor shower” on my bucket list. However, I could never seem to get that item crossed off. These shooting stars would come and go, but whenever they were around it was ALWAYS fucking cloudy! Every time I would have the days marked down in my calendar, have plans to drive up the bluffs, and watch. But Noooooo those stupid fluffy puffs of destruction would just roll in and ruin my day! I thought that was the case today too when I woke up this morning and it was raining.

 

Well, It finally went in my favor! The sun came out, burned all the fog away, and the sky was clear!

 

My friend Andrea* and I drove up to the bluffs with my current service dog Wally. It was perfect weather and I was so excited.

We picked out our spot, laid down and got ready for the flashy show. As we waited a few more people showed up and walked past us. A group of girls walked past and a few screamed “Omg! is that a dog!?!” No, it’s a crocodile, be careful. What else would it fucking be!? (They also thought the bugs flying in and out of the light were the meteors *face palm*) Then, as a couple walked past us, Wally decided to bark at them. He has a very intimidating bark, which is probably why they jumped about 10 feet in the air. I couldn’t help but bust out laughing right away. I tried apologizing, but it was hard getting “I’m sorry” out in between laughing. Oops.

 

Finally, the Meteors started! Even with all the light pollution, it was still an awesome thing to see. There were a lot, but only one really good one. I’m just happy to finally have seen one and get it crossed off the bucket list: Perseid Meteor Shower 2013.. Check!

This is exactly what the one looked like!

lyrid-meteor

 

On the long, dark walk back to the car there was a group of guys and girls walking towards us. One of the guys shouted out “Is that a buffalo!?!… Oh, I seriously though that was a buffalo!” Oh for the sake of humanity please tell me he was at least high off of something! Really? Yeah, don’t mind me. Just taking my buffalo for walk on a leash. No, dude, it’s a dog! A common house pet. But I guess a buffalo is close enough?

 

Dog or Buffalo??

the_buffalo_boys_buffalo

Things learned:

People may not be very bright… but at least the stars are brighter!

Clouds are not my friends.

 

-tcbl

Sarcasm and Jealousy Makes Things Weird

Daily Prompt: Green-Eyed Monster

Dear future wife of Sidney Crosby,

You do not exist yet. For all I know it could quite possibly be me. Probably not though. I just like to hope.

All I know is that I envy you most out of anyone in this world.

You probably will never know how lucky you really are. Or wait, maybe I will never know how lucky I really am? Man this is getting confusing already.

Am I writing to some other girl or my future self?

In reality some other girl, probably a model. Delusionally is not a word. Just go with it. Delusionally, I am writing to my future self. Alright good I got that straightened out.

Maybe this is the unhealthy obsession my family is talking about with hockey? I mean here I am writing an envious letter to the future Mrs. Crosby. Okay this is the epiphany I needed.  I really need to go and get myself date…. After I write this letter. And then after I might get some coffee. Or Tequila… that will help me talk to more boys men …maybe.

feature cros1

Anyways, why am I jealous of you, the future Mrs. Crosby? Well for a more obvious point, just look at him! Those brown eyes, luscious locks of hair, a dazzling smile, kissable lips, and that in shape hockey body… ahhhhhhhh…….

Oh you’re still there? Sorry! Excuse me while I wipe the drool off my face.

Umm next point?

Yeah next point.

Well he’s humble, professional, and he likes to pull pranks! I mean seriously how fun is that? There’s nothing like a guy who likes to joke around and have fun every once in a while. His talent is just through the roof! I mean that boy can play hockey, it’s ridiculous… and attractive.

cros 5

Professional, Just look at that focus!

cros 2

Prankster

cros 3

Ridiculous talent

Some of that talent can rub off into future generations.  I would love to bear the next great hockey player in my womb for 9 months, and bring that kid into the world. Is that weird? It might be. But I guess it’s just a dream of mine to have a son that I can watch and cheer on as he becomes a hockey prodigy. Judge all you want… but I’m also just imagining what it would take to make that kind of magic… did I just make that weirder? Actually I think I made it awkward… You know that song “Fantasy” by Ludacris? Well I think I finally answered him back all those years of him asking “Now t-t-tell me wh-wh-what’s your fant-t-tsy?” Yeah… I like awkward.

Alright, enough about that. He’s not a piece of meat you know!

In summation (I feel like I’m writing a persuasive essay), if he’s having good games and scoring left and right then good! You’re doing a good job at keeping him happy. But, when he starts making mistakes and doing terrible, just know that it’s your fault and the entire Penguin’s fan community hates your stinkin’ guts and you are the scum between our toes!

Oh by the way, congratulations on the future wedding!

Sincerely,

The “should be” Mrs. Crosby

cros4

Fill in the Blank

I’m weird because….

I laugh at my own private jokes out loud.

I ask other people questions then answer them myself

I have full on conversations with animals

I watch “Gator Boy” marathons then think I can go out and catch myself an alligator

I watch the Syfy channel for comedic relief

I do an impression of ET (wrap up in a blanket, squat real low, then run/hobble around)

I celebrate Friday the 13ths like it’s a holiday

I’m the only girl I know who hasn’t had her wedding planned out since she was little: and still don’t

I’m deathly afraid of sharks, but still go surfing because of the adrenalin rush

I used to be scared of spiders, but now I have dreams about having spiders as friends

I love feeling sore after working out

I like to name inanimate objects (cars, computer, ipod, phone, alarm clock, etc.)

 

I’m awkward because…

I’ll start talking but never finish my point

I don’t make a lot of eye contact

When I don’t have anything to say I just smile a lot

I don’t get embarrassed when I should

I say/do extremely random things that leave people thinking “where the hell did that come from?!”

I have no problem talking to guys, until I find one attractive, then I turn into a shy stuttering nervous nelly

I point out the awkwardness in situations

 

I’m awesome because…

I can get through whole conversations using nothing but movie quotes

My sarcastic wit sometimes just takes over and is uncontrollable

I’d rather watch sports with guys than spend time gossiping with girls

I have no censor (unless it’s absolutely necessary)

I will try almost anything once

 

I’m most fun when…

I’ve had my fix of coffee for the day

I’m over tired and delirious

Someone gives me a couple shots of tequila

I’m bored and want to do something spontaneous

I want to procrastinate

I want to do nothing but dance dares (dance behind people without them noticing)

 

I’m happy because…

I have many things to be thankful for

A Harry Potter marathon is on TV right now

Mac Miller is in town, even though I won’t be able to see him

It’s almost my birthday

I’m going to see Ke$ha in concert soon

I have friends that accept and sometimes encourage my quirks

 

 

I’m sad because…

It’s 55 degrees in July, so iced coffee was not appropriate today

I never received a letter from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and forces me to accept that I am a muggle (I know this joke has been worn out beyond belief, but it legitimately is hard for me to accept it and makes me sad)

My cat won’t talk to me today

My drink is too far to reach and I don’t want to get up

Time is going by too fast

I hit the point where I’m too old according to my younger cousins and get made fun of

There’s still a couple months left until hockey season starts

No one else has had the honor of attending my concerts as I belt out many songs in the car on road trips (move over Beyonce, I’m becoming a pro)

My weird list is longer than my happy and awesome list combined

 

There’s clearly not enough going on in my life right now for me to resort to compiling these lists about myself.  Sometimes it happens. Hopefully after a night out tonight I will get back on track with my life’s inevitable laughable moments. Until then this is all you get. Keep on keeping on.

 

-TCBL

A and A of my week

The awesome part of my week is that I saw a shooting star, and got to see my best friend after not seeing her for almost a year in the same night. We went out for a few drinks and were able to catch up even though we still communicated some way or another at least every week. Our favorite form of communication lately: snap chat. I don’t know what it is about snap chat, but I love it. I just find it very entertaining. Anyways, we decided how much it sucks that people get too busy that they eventually lose touch the older you get. It’s great having a friend that no matter how much time passed between seeing each other that you can just pick up where you left off.

The awkward part of my week is that we had three guys beg us to play pool at a bar during their… bachelor party??? One guy was getting married, the other had a girlfriend and bragged about all the expensive trips he took, and the other was single and trying…way  too hard! It was kind of a sad bachelor party if you ask me. The guy getting married said he had six groomsmen…. but he only had two of them with him on a pretty important night??? Plus they were talking to us, who gave many signals that we clearly didn’t want anything to do with them. We played pool but didn’t try. We said every place that the bragster went to sucked. We didn’t even laugh at the poor single guys jokes (which in our defense were pretty bad, and maybe a little offensive). We just really didn’t want to be bothered. We clearly were texting each other back and forth whether or not we should leave. But they didn’t notice. They told us to go to the same bar they were headed to after. I don’t know it just was a train wreck for them. Either way it was pretty awkward when they left and we didn’t want to go with. oh well. You can’t win them all.

 

At least my best friend and I know to handle situations like these… just laugh and joke about it later.

Hope everyone had a good week.

-TCBL

Why Can’t I F*cking Sleep?!?!?!

There is an endless amount of possibilities as to why I can’t sleep:

  1. Well, I’m on the computer for one thing
  2. The TV is on: Skip ahead to #5
  3. I took an unnecessary 2hr nap
  4. I had coffee at 6 ‘o clock pm that probably shouldn’t have been consumed
  5. My imagination decided to go wild and think of horrible things like scenes from “The Conjuring” previews and I got scared an evil paranormal spirit was going to drag me out of my bed.
  6. The lights are on thanks to #5
  7. I’m too cold with the fans blasting on me
  8. I’m too hot with the fans off
  9. I’m upset I didn’t get to celebrate National Tequila Day
  10. I’m hungry
  11. I keep thinking about sleep
  12. I’m not tired
  13. I am tired
  14. I’m trying to plan out my day tomorrow. It involves a stop for coffee, I have a feeling I’ll be needing it.
  15. I’m worried I will have to plan an exorcism if I stay up until 3:00 am. (watch the exorcism of Emily rose if you’re lost)
  16. I’m trying to think if I forgot to pack something
  17. I’m trying to remember something I forgot three days ago
  18. I’m wondering how long I’m going to be single for
  19. I’m writing this blog
  20. My hair is messy and the strays are blowing in the wind tickling my face leading me to believe spiders are crawling all over me
  21. I can’t help but remember how ridiculous and hilarious “Sharknado” was
  22. I’m sore from my workout yesterday and it hurts to toss and turn
  23. I have SDI (self-diagnosed insomnia)
  24. I thought about all the horrible dreams I’ve had
  25. The sandman skipped my house
  26. Something bad is happening in the dream world and it’s not safe for me to enter (Oh geez I hope everyone is okay)
  27. My room is a mess
  28. I’m scared to find out what will happen on “Big Brother” tomorrow. Who’s being evicted?!
  29. I’m thirsty, but that requires me to walk upstairs and I can’t because of #22 (now I know how the Twilight vampires feel with being unable to quench an unbearable thirst)
  30. I’d rather write this list than keep trying to sleep
  31. I don’t like  even numbers

 

I could probably keep going with reasons since my brain could be the new mascot for energizer batteries (Move over pink bunny banging the drum!) But, I should probably try to sleep for the 5th time. It’s already past 3:00 am so I undoubtedly have to schedule my exorcism in the morning. Until then I will lay here awake, and wait for the sandman to come back and drop a 10lb bag of sand on my head to knock me out.

 

-TCBL