The Gremlin From Hell

blog

Okay this cute thing’s name is Gidget and really isn’t from hell. In all truthfulness she is a sweetheart. The only problem is, she smells like she’s been dead… for about a month. Rancid!

 

This isn’t something that you want anywhere near you. The smell that comes out of her ass is the same smell that comes from her mouth. Yes, it is as unpleasant as it sounds! When she finally lets out a gas bubble that probably took the whole day to work through her system, you would think someone set off a stink bomb. Same thing happens every time when she pants and breathes on you. When you first see her shake her little curly tail and get excited you just want to cuddle her. That second you hit that odor wall you abort that idea real quick.

If you can withstand the smell and venture past the stench she’s not the softest thing to touch. She has this coarse wire hair that feels like an old rope. It’s itchy on your skin, and I can only imagine how it feels on her. One fun thing I like to do with it is give her a Mohawk starting from her head all the way down her body. I find it amusing. She might not.

 

If the stink and scratchiness don’t get to you then the sheer sight of her snaggleteeth might. This dog needs dentures. It’s about 7 years too late for them though. They aren’t a pretty sight but they are what make Gidget, the little science experiment that she is.

 

Now this dog is 16 years old and has been on her death bed for about 3.  She just won’t die. That sounds bad, but I’m serious. She has so many health problems that she just needs to keel over.   Forget 9 lives, she has 20! I sometimes worry that every time she gets wet, another year gets tacked onto her life, instead of multiplying like an actual gremlin.  She’s lived a long… long long long life and will go out incredibly happy. She gets people food every day, which is how she racked up the extra pounds.  When she finally does make the exit, I don’t want to within a 10miles radius of her. The noxious odor could just leave her body and spread like wildfire knocking everyone down.

 

She maybe old, but she’s still hanging on. Until her day comes, I will just have to remember one thing: Just because it smells like it’s dead, doesn’t mean it is.

 

-TCBL

 

Advertisements

Summer flings, relationships, break-ups, bachelorette, and more

Summer. I don’t understand what it is about this season that people think it’s the time to find love. I mean what is so attractive about someone sweating buckets, wearing too short of shorts to the point where they ride up to the Netherlands with every stride you take, frizzed out hair, and looking like a lobster when burnt by the sun? Unless you’re Rihanna or Joe Magliano at the beach, the heat doesn’t always work wonders for you. Maybe it’s just the weather today that has me feeling like this. Wisconsin summers aren’t always the best. When the humidity strikes it’s the worst! You walk out the door, the air hits you, you’re drenched (with sweat) instantly and need to go back inside to take another shower (or two) and change clothes. It’s just a gross feeling, which is how I feel now. That’s how it has been all day today. I like to take cover in the air con, not go out hitting on everyone. Maybe that’s why I’m single. Yeah and a lot of other reasons! Okay really, let’s just not go there! Thanks.

 

So tonight Karen, Nora, and I all got together to watch The Bachelorette. We had wine and talked beforehand. That’s when Nora told us that her and her boyfriend *Cole are breaking up. I already saw this coming for a while. Just because she’s confided in me a lot about their relationship, and I just witnessed how they were most of the time (Nora pointing out attractive guys more than me sometimes also was a big clue). But, I still felt like I had to give my Oscar winning performance, pretend like I had no idea, and come back with an “OMG! Why, what happened?” Nora had just turned 21 a couple months ago and has been in this relationship for over 2 years. The time in the relationship was just running down to its final seconds, then BAM! Summer hit. New news I also received that night was Nora already had her eyes set on a new guy… Really? She’s not even broken up with her current boyfriend yet, and she has another lined up already. Meanwhile I don’t even have anything close. I probably could try a little harder… “Sometimes I think I could do crystal meth, but then I think mmmm better not.”

A lot of relationships don’t make it past summer. Many of them start and end there actually. Which brings me to my next point. Summer flings. Another roommate of mine, *Kayla, was excited to meet this guy she plays volleyball with in a bar league. What I didn’t know was that she was excited to have a “summer fling”. I just don’t understand how someone can go into that mindset right away. I mean I understand if you meet someone in summer and at the end of the season it doesn’t work out after you return back to school, then so what. But to go looking specifically for a summer fling?? Maybe I’m the weird one, and I’m okay with that!

With that said, I don’t think I could ever be on a show like The Bachelorette. Dating however many guys at once, kissing multiple within 10minutes of each other on group dates, and developing feelings for that many people at once. I mean I know you have to date to find the right person, but 20 guys? That seems a little excessive. It’s hard to wrap my mind around it. That doesn’t stop me from watching though. If you’re like me and love awkward moments then this is a great show to watch! For any normal person they get uncomfortable in awkward situations, but not me. I love watching them, creating them, laughing at them, etc. Regardless my friends hate when I instigate awkward moments, but they always make for funny stories later on so I just can’t help it.

I guess I don’t understand why all these pretty women and good looking men are having such a hard time finding someone to date. I know a lot of the people who go on the show have other agendas, like becoming famous, but what about the ones that aren’t? Is it really that hard to meet people these days? I mean I know why all my close friends are single. A lot of it is out of stupidity, and the other part is out of them thinking they’re too good for the ones that are interested in them. I’m guessing they aren’t the only ones, so I guess maybe it is hard to meet people. If one of them asks one more time while they are drunk, “Why am I single?!?!” I might lose it. Or I’ll just turn into Barney Stinson and play the “Haaaave you met (enter single friend’s name here)” game. It seems to work for the fictional characters, maybe it could work for them? When will they wake up and realize the obvious things like the guy talking to them is interested and not the other one standing across the bar that hasn’t noticed them, or if a guy is texting you to hang out, they aren’t weird just because they like you and they aren’t the one you want texting you? But you still want that guy who is known for playing girls, breaking hearts, and rumored to have the herpolie urpolies (that means he’s been around the block too many times or angered enough girls to have that rumor started) text you?? Yeah, I too wonder why you’re having problems in the relationship department. Pretending like I have not a clue in the world as to why they’re single is not always my best performance, and definitely not Oscar worthy.

I guess I’ll just continue to hold in the BIG secret of why they are all single, laugh at all the awkward moments, and enjoy the single life for now.

-TCBL

Time Flies

Finally after about a year of my own personal computer crashing I purchased a new one! I’ve been borrowing Karen’s (broken one) for a while since she got a new one and I kept putting it off (I know what you’re thinking, and yes she really let me borrow it!)  I started this blog and then got sick, then got my wisdom teeth pulled, then I started my job again… Before I knew it, it’s been months since I’ve posted anything. Same goes for sharing photos or even staying in touch with friends. It is absolutely insane how fast time is going by!

Just a couple thoughts…

-No matter what you do, you’ll lose contact with friends over time: but, time between seeing friends won’t always affect your relationship (usually the amount of time between get-togethers just effects how much time we spend consuming alcohol and catching up)

– Just because someone doesn’t talk to you for a while, don’t assume they forgot about you (just use Facebook to find your answer!)

-Even if you’re bored and not doing anything, enjoy it because at some point you’ll wish you had that kind of time back (when you’re swamped with work, homework….. life, you’ll have that previous wasted time to daydream about)

– When you have multiple trips or activities you want to do make a list or you’ll forget some of the things you wanted to do (also only expect to cross off a couple of them, not to put you down but you will never get to all of them. Go ahead prove me wrong, I dare you!)

– Unless you have a due date in class or work, don’t stress about getting something done on time (you didn’t get your room organized today, or the day before so what, there’s always tomorrow)

-It’s never too late to do something (well that might not be true, but in this getting back to blogging case it works perfectly in my favor!)

– This has nothing to do with time at all, but when the hell is this zombie phenomenon going to pass???? It’s more annoying than the sparkling vampire era. I mean more people believe in the zombie apocalypse than they believed Al Gore about Global Warming…. There’s something wrong there! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I watched the twilight movies and read the books, but I didn’t go to camps to learn how to survive a cult of vampires!!! Priorities people, priorities!

 

Now that I have a new computer and better health, I will be making a better point to get back on here. Can’t wait to start sharing again!

-TCBL