Word Vomit

Yesterday. Friday the 13th.

I was probably extra weird.


Yes. Weird. Weird from excitement, caffeine, sugar, being overtired, and just naturally being weird.

It was a fantastic day. I had some good zingers that kept my roommates laughing. Sometimes they laugh at what I say so much that I start to think it’s a good idea to hold a comedy club at our house every Wednesday night where I’m the main act every week. I could probably sell out.


Obviously you’d sell out, you only have two couches!!


Oh yeah, right! But I’d sell out nevertheless!


Anyways, I had a wonderful Friday the 13th, as I always do. Got out of class early, someone bought me a cupcake, had Chinese food, and watched scary movies all night with my roommates.  Hmm something else happened… OH! The cute boy who sits next to me in Physics class decided to talk to me and didn’t stop!!! *happy dance* This WILL be continued on Monday when I have class with him again.


So anyways I have a service dog at my house this weekend. Wilbur. He’s a labradoodle and really sweet. (There’s a point with the dog, I promise)

My roommate *Grace has a friend who I don’t really care for. Before you think I’m being judgmental, let me explain why. Grace had a falling out with three of her friends, Beth, Kristi, and Roger let’s call them. Roger had led Grace on and then decided he wanted to be with Kristi.  Basically saving you from a lot of nonsense drama, cheating, and scandal, I’ll just tell you this led to a fight over a boy who isn’t even worth it. A lot of hurt feelings and tears later Kristi and Roger ended up dating and Grace wasn’t talking to any of them. Beth decided to talk about Grace and join forces with the new couple.  So overall these girls weren’t ever very nice to Grace and that automatically puts them on my bad list.   On top of this Beth lacks a lot of basic manners. Like drinking straight from OUR water pitcher instead of using a cup. I understand there’s people who drink from milk cartons and what not, but from their OWN milk carton. She threw up at the table when we all went out to dinner instead of getting up to go to the bathroom (there was plenty of time).  Everyone’s night was ruined and she decided to touch someone else’s food to eat without washing her hands. The list goes on. What to take from this is that she’s just rude.


Okay okay what the hell does this have to do with the dog?!?! Okay so a picture was posted on the good ‘ol Facebook of Wilbur. Beth must have seen it and asked Grace if she could come see the dog.  She came over while we were in the middle of watching Friday the 13th.  I was trying to watch the movie which I can do very easily even with people talking because I’ve learned how to block people out very well. Beth however, kept talking to me for some weird reason.  She asked me if it was the same dog I had last weekend at our party. I was baffled. Wilbur is a yellow labradoodle with long hair. The dog I had last week was black with short hair…. I tried to be nice like I always do but it was hard not to reply with a short “the dog last week was black.” And I can only imagine what my facial expression looked like. Then, there was a sex scene in the movie as with all new horror films lately.  She looks at the screen and screams “Are you guys watching sex?!?!” This one I couldn’t hold in, it just fell out of my mouth quicker than my brain could process. “Why the fuck would we be watching sex?!” I mean seriously, what answer was she expecting: “Yes, we decided to have a roommate bonding night and watch porn together!” I mean come on. Get your shit together, Beth!


Your outburst probably had to have been the sugar rush after your free cupcake.


Yeah, let’s chalk it up to that!


Well, I tried to be nice as long as I possibly could, but I guess the cats out of the bag that I’m not too fond of her.  My roommates minus Grace thought it was hilarious. Oh well if you’re not a nice person then I might have a hard time getting along with you.


Either way I had a great day even with mean girls. Nothing can get in the way of me and my Friday the 13ths. I celebrate no matter what.


Random act of kindness: I helped a woman pick up something she dropped in Starbucks today. She was embarrassed and I reassured her by saying I do worse things. She smiled and felt better. Glad I could help her out. Whoever reads this should do a RAOK and tell me about it. Those stories make me happy!




The Devil’s Progenies

There’s these two girls in my class this summer that are just awful.

I like to get along with everyone. I don’t really like or understand when people don’t like me for no reason. But, that’s how it was with the dreadful pair. Right from day one, when I walked in and sat down I got the evil stare. I smiled back, like I always do. They just wrote me off from the start.

What the fuck did I do wrong? Did I wear the wrong color? Should I have one strapped it instead of using both straps on my back pack? What the hell was it?!

I know it couldn’t have anything to do with a boy. Which is probably the number 1 reason why girls hate on girls. Crazy bitches!

So did I even do anything wrong?

No! I didn’t do anything wrong! Those abominable twats just have something stuck up their asses sideways. They probably should get off their high horses because they aren’t as hot of shit as they think they are.

They only talk to other people when they don’t understand what’s going on… which is always.  So they just use whoever they can… and we all know it (and give wrong answers).

I can tolerate evil stares and even them talking about me. I’ve gotten over that childish nonsense a long time ago. But what I can’t stand is when they talk about other members in our class that are just innocent bystanders.

There is this older woman who is in the same class as us. She’s nice, asks a lot of questions, and obviously doesn’t shop at Hollister. Honestly who cares?  Well these spawns of Satan have nothing better going on in their mundane lives so I guess they do.

In lab I heard one of the girls say to all of us, “That old lady is so annoying!”

Her friend backed her up (when no one else would), “Omg! I know, she never shuts up during discussion and always asks questions.”

Okay before I go any further… Are you fucking kidding me? Discussion is the time where we are supposed to ask questions when we don’t understand. Which clearly they should be doing more of considering they always ask everyone else for answers. I don’t understand how utilizing the class time is annoying? It’s better than sitting there for an hour with our teacher lecturing us more. Total snooze fest.

But as if it wasn’t enough to talk about our classmate’s habit of… attending college and learning, then they had to continue on to her appearance.

“And have you seen her luscious mustache” which was followed by laughter of the two and everyone else just awkwardly smiling at them.

I was surprised that they even understood what luscious meant. Either way I had had enough of listening to these girl’s snide comments and laughing at others for no reason.  I finished up and walked out as fast as I could.  I did it quite noticeably, and others soon followed in suit. Which I later heard I missed their following burn about the woman’s wardrobe shortly after I left. Thank goodness because I would have liked to have a battle of words with them. 2 vs. 1 and I would still make them shut their traps. They are just not worth my time or breath to bother. I’m sure karma will come around soon enough.

I don’t know why it bothers me so much when people don’t like me for no reason. That is until I find out how big of assholes they really are. Then I could give rat’s ass about what they thought. There is no point in talking about others. Just leave them alone and live your own life. No need to be a shithead to people during it.


All I know is that the two girls in my class are malicious and the movies I recently watch have a strong effect on my vocabulary for the week. Thank you “Easy A” for abominable twat and “21 Jump Street” for the back pack strap conundrum.


I guess at the end of this rant all I’m really saying is people are unnecessarily mean and it really grinds my gears. Be kind out there people!







Ah it’s F*cking Karen!

So it’s almost May 1st. That means the sun is out, the temperature is getting warmer, and its time for all college students bank accounts to go to shit. It’s the time that rent is due, and to say mine took a big dump way before this time is an understatement.

I’m a full time student without a job in this crappy small college town. I work as much as possible back home at my fancy job at a law office downtown in a bigger city. I’ll be honest, I make bank working there so I might be picky about where I work next. In my defense my only options are working at Walmart or all hours of the night at a bar downtown with hoodlums, no thank you I would rather pass. So I work Monday through Friday 8 to 5 for summer breaks, Christmas breaks, and spring breaks. I save as much as I can to contribute to my bills. When that money runs out, my lovely mother helps out. She’s a nurse and has to work two jobs because they get shitty ass pay even though they work their asses off. She is one of the hardest working people I know. We have a small house where something always needs fixing, which means more money we don’t have spent on repair. Student loans, house payments, bills upon bills just keep piling up. As a single parent she does one hell of a job making sure it gets paid, even if there isn’t any money left over after.

So let’s think about this for a second. If someone is working full time Monday-Saturday during prime bank hours, how are they supposed to deposit money at the exact time when an uptight college student (who thinks her schedule is the only important one) wants it to be deposited?

Karen: the friend that nobody likes.
Please tell me some of you know about Dane cook…. Yes? Good! Moving on.

So I’m over exaggerating when I say nobody likes her. I only like her half the time. The half when she is in a normal mood and not her “I hate everyone” mood. It also doesn’t help that I have what I like to call bitch syndrome. It means that everything I do or say around her is either wrong, mean, offensive, or she just plain out doesn’t like. However, if someone else does or says the exact same thing I did (or even have done in the past) then it’s as if that person magically became the funniest person in the ENTIRE world to her. Bitch syndrome: problem for girls everywhere since… well ever, with currently no cure or signs of there ever being one. She gets embarrassed easily and well I could give a flying rat’s ass what anyone thought of me. We are pretty opposite, yet we still choose to hang out, live together, and call each other friends. I won’t lie. We have do have fun together. That’s why I choose to stick around.

What does this have to do with rent? Calm the fuck down. I’m getting there!

So today is the 29th and she’s already about to have a bitch fit that me and one other roommate don’t have our rent. Me and this other roommate, Nora, both have financial issues and understand the burdens of trying to scramble the money together in time before the tyrant demands our heads as punishment for not having the money in time. When people walk past our house they probably think we’re watching some bad movie where the characters run into some trouble with a dirty loan shark.

“Where’s my money!?!”
*punches thrown, get kicked in the face and ribs a couple times, some glass breaks

“I don’t have it, I just need a few more days! I promise I’ll get it to you by Saturday.”

“You’ve had enough time… Ricky, kill him.”
*shots fired, blood everywhere

Okay maybe it’s not that dramatic, but Karen sure can make it out to be. Anyways the reason why it’s a big deal (to her) is because she doesn’t want to have to go to the bank multiple times which is a “big inconvenience” for her. The bank is 5-6 blocks away at most, and she drives there! Also, why not wait until you have everyone’s money to go to the bank? Or do you just like making things harder for yourself so you can be more uptight and try to make everyone else around you miserable? By now me and Nora both just laugh it off and ignore her. We always get a good laugh at things that Karen does. Nora is my favorite.

So why did you tell us about your mom? Please keep all questions until the end.

I texted my mom to tell her Veruca Salt WANTED THE MONEY NOW MOMMY! So after a long day of work she went to her bank to take out money, then drove to my bank to put the money in my account, and then finally was able to head home. These distances are miles long, therefore I propose this is more of an inconvenience than a few blocks (But Karen would probably just say I’m wrong). Especially after a day of work when all you want to do is get home. Or the fact that rent isn’t actually due until the 1st. Regardless this story has a happy ending. Karen gets her rent money on HER time. She doesn’t turn into an evil queen and send me to hang by a noose. I get to live another day. The end.

Some people just need to take a chill pill. Karen might need to triple, maybe even quadruple the dosage on chill pills. But until she does I’ll just continue to laugh at her negative ways and not let it ruin my beautiful, sunny, April 29th day.


Are you talking to me?

The way people in my generation are speaking is really starting to horrify me. Now I’m not OCD about correct grammar, and I definitely won’t correct anyone. Those people who have the need to correct every grammar mistake actually irritate me. Texting is supposed to be an informal way to communicate with friends. Not this place where you have to worry about whether or not you put the comma in the right place. I understand that by now we should all know the difference between your and you’re, their and there, and to and two. On the other hand is it really the end of the world if someone uses the wrong one? While having an actual conversation you don’t interrupt the person and ask, “Now when you say that are you using the correct form?” So why ignore your friend’s text completely and simply reply with the correction: you’re*. Quite frankly I think it’s just RUDE.


It’s not really the grammar that gets me. It’s the use of certain words that confuse me. Does YOLO bother anyone else besides me? It’s like the dumb down version of Carpe Diem. Zac Efron has gotten YOLO tattooed on his hand… That is the only one I will ever over look just because…well…. c’mon it’s Zac Efron. I’m a girl. Sue me. It recently has been looking a little lighter in color so maybe even he came to his senses and is trying to get it removed. Anyways, the way in which people use the acronym is also a little EXTREMELY unreasonable. For example when girls in short, tight, skimpy dresses go out and one of them forgot to put underwear on, but goes on top of the bar to dance despite her current commando situation…. YOLO!! I mean is “you only live once” really an excuse to flash your cooka to an entire bar? Yeah one day you won’t be here, but come on at least have some dignity. I’m sure guys are just as bad as girls when it comes to using the phrase, but I have more than enough time to bash that gender later.

LATER??? Ok, you’re right, how about now. Commence the bashing of the opposite sex! So recently I had a boy (let’s call him George) that I went to high school with in the past message me on Facebook. I don’t have any recollections of us talking much in school or ever hanging out either. On the other hand I did talk to one of his friends (Phillip) a lot, who coincidentally had a crush on me. Now awhile back George contacted me to talk to me about Phillip. You know talk him up, find out if I had feelings, if I was seeing anyone, etc. (What were we in, middle school again? Lame!) I didn’t feel the same way about Phil, but never really officially rejected him either. After awhile the conversations ended with both of the guys and I was relieved I wasn’t bothered anymore. That was until the other day I received a message from George. It went like this….

George: Hey
Me: Hi
G: how hve u been whts new
M: I’ve been okay. Nothing new here. How about you?
G: Sam jus wrk sht hmu we shud chill (left phone number)
M: I don’t live in (Hometown) anymore
G: where do u sty
M: (College town) for now and hopefully moving somewhere out of state when I’m done with school.
G: Well we still can meet up chill sometime I can come the (college town) from time to time if u wanted
M: I don’t have a lot of free time but I can let you know if I’m in (Hometown) ever
G: Koo

*Every mistake in there was real. If you think it was a typo by me, don’t. It was hard enough trying to re-type the conversation that took place without correcting it.

A few quick things before my rant on the writing style, if you will. Why is he trying to drive a total of three hours when we have never hung out ever before? I mean I know why. Its just weird, creepy, and gross. Next, what happened to the respect of your friend? News flash: Loyalty is more attractive.

Now that is not the only thing unattractive. If you aren’t going to take the time to use vowels in your words, say the actual word cool or you, well then you don’t deserve my time. I mean seriously, why are you talking like you forgot how to spell. I think a first grader knows better than that. You are not “hood” or “gangster” if I have to try and translate everything you say into a normal way that I can understand. I just think you’re stupid and I like men who are intelligent.

For the people OCD with grammar, just be thankful this isn’t the most popular problem you have to deal with. There are always worse things so just deal with a few misused yours and theirs. It’s not the end of the world as we know it. I promise. What I can also promise you is that if you correct people on a daily basis, well then you are hated by many.

Sometimes you just have to laugh at people, even if it’s not very nice.