The Special and the Paranoid

I have two cats.


I’m a dog person but have two pet cats.


How does that happen you ask?

Well 10 years ago I gave my mom an ultimatum that I either could get a dog or two cats. I thought the extra number would steer her towards the dog. Boy, was I wrong.

Ten years later and I still have the two little fur balls. And still no dog.

One is Rodney and the other is Raven. I don’t think you’re supposed to, but I do have a favorite. It’s not really a big secret. If you were to go through pictures on my phone you would see hundreds of pictures  of Rodney and maybe three of Raven. Even when I talk to my mom I always ask, “How is Rodney?” I never really inquire about Raven. Not because I don’t love her. But because she probably isn’t doing anything.

Raven is a little slow and we hold a cat special Olympics just for her every year. Most of the time she just sits in the dark in the basement and is very antisocial. She’s also been playing the same game of chase that ended 7 years ago… She’s so special. I blame it on the time when she took a running start and giant leap off the couch straight into the wall head first. Brain damage. It seriously was like out of an old time Warner Bros. cartoon as she slid down the wall in slow motion. My mom blames it on the time I sat on her because she blended in with our black couch. Lack of oxygen leading to brain damage. Poor cat has been through a lot, and we just laugh at her misfortunes. She does have cuteness working in her favor though. When she wants something she meows in the most adorable way and you can’t say no to her.


Rodney on the other hand is my baby and can’t ever be alone.  We have conversations all the time and my mom yells at us to shut up all the time.  My favorite is when I leave to go back to school and he tries to talk to my mom. I definitely have Skyped with him on multiple occasions.  He might be schizophrenic in the sense that he always thinks something is crawling on him and randomly bites himself, then runs around the house super fast making weird noises.  He likes to get high off of catnip. After rolling around in it he lays on his back with a glossy look in his eyes for awhile. Then he passes out for an hour.


I think I just have a pair of the world’s weirdest cats. Which is okay because I like weird and they fit right in to our family.


 rodney 1

He never really understands hide and seek. He always has some body part sticking out (usually his tail)

rodney 2

He likes birthdays and Christmas because He gets boxes as presents

rodney 4

He likes hockey just as much as I do.


This is Raven on our treadmill… she doesn’t know she’s using it the wrong way.

Anyways, Next week after my exams I am going to go to the library and write all day non-stop so I can get back on track with writing on here almost every day again. I also won’t write about my cats…. once is even too much.




Meteor Shower

For awhile now I’ve had “Witness a meteor shower” on my bucket list. However, I could never seem to get that item crossed off. These shooting stars would come and go, but whenever they were around it was ALWAYS fucking cloudy! Every time I would have the days marked down in my calendar, have plans to drive up the bluffs, and watch. But Noooooo those stupid fluffy puffs of destruction would just roll in and ruin my day! I thought that was the case today too when I woke up this morning and it was raining.


Well, It finally went in my favor! The sun came out, burned all the fog away, and the sky was clear!


My friend Andrea* and I drove up to the bluffs with my current service dog Wally. It was perfect weather and I was so excited.

We picked out our spot, laid down and got ready for the flashy show. As we waited a few more people showed up and walked past us. A group of girls walked past and a few screamed “Omg! is that a dog!?!” No, it’s a crocodile, be careful. What else would it fucking be!? (They also thought the bugs flying in and out of the light were the meteors *face palm*) Then, as a couple walked past us, Wally decided to bark at them. He has a very intimidating bark, which is probably why they jumped about 10 feet in the air. I couldn’t help but bust out laughing right away. I tried apologizing, but it was hard getting “I’m sorry” out in between laughing. Oops.


Finally, the Meteors started! Even with all the light pollution, it was still an awesome thing to see. There were a lot, but only one really good one. I’m just happy to finally have seen one and get it crossed off the bucket list: Perseid Meteor Shower 2013.. Check!

This is exactly what the one looked like!



On the long, dark walk back to the car there was a group of guys and girls walking towards us. One of the guys shouted out “Is that a buffalo!?!… Oh, I seriously though that was a buffalo!” Oh for the sake of humanity please tell me he was at least high off of something! Really? Yeah, don’t mind me. Just taking my buffalo for walk on a leash. No, dude, it’s a dog! A common house pet. But I guess a buffalo is close enough?


Dog or Buffalo??


Things learned:

People may not be very bright… but at least the stars are brighter!

Clouds are not my friends.



The Gremlin From Hell


Okay this cute thing’s name is Gidget and really isn’t from hell. In all truthfulness she is a sweetheart. The only problem is, she smells like she’s been dead… for about a month. Rancid!


This isn’t something that you want anywhere near you. The smell that comes out of her ass is the same smell that comes from her mouth. Yes, it is as unpleasant as it sounds! When she finally lets out a gas bubble that probably took the whole day to work through her system, you would think someone set off a stink bomb. Same thing happens every time when she pants and breathes on you. When you first see her shake her little curly tail and get excited you just want to cuddle her. That second you hit that odor wall you abort that idea real quick.

If you can withstand the smell and venture past the stench she’s not the softest thing to touch. She has this coarse wire hair that feels like an old rope. It’s itchy on your skin, and I can only imagine how it feels on her. One fun thing I like to do with it is give her a Mohawk starting from her head all the way down her body. I find it amusing. She might not.


If the stink and scratchiness don’t get to you then the sheer sight of her snaggleteeth might. This dog needs dentures. It’s about 7 years too late for them though. They aren’t a pretty sight but they are what make Gidget, the little science experiment that she is.


Now this dog is 16 years old and has been on her death bed for about 3.  She just won’t die. That sounds bad, but I’m serious. She has so many health problems that she just needs to keel over.   Forget 9 lives, she has 20! I sometimes worry that every time she gets wet, another year gets tacked onto her life, instead of multiplying like an actual gremlin.  She’s lived a long… long long long life and will go out incredibly happy. She gets people food every day, which is how she racked up the extra pounds.  When she finally does make the exit, I don’t want to within a 10miles radius of her. The noxious odor could just leave her body and spread like wildfire knocking everyone down.


She maybe old, but she’s still hanging on. Until her day comes, I will just have to remember one thing: Just because it smells like it’s dead, doesn’t mean it is.